tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post3835402448531482750..comments2024-03-24T23:51:25.945-07:00Comments on east side bride: Is it tacky to register for a honeymoon?esbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.comBlogger83125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-1645498023187027952013-01-02T21:22:49.335-08:002013-01-02T21:22:49.335-08:00Hey, in Japan, guests usually bring the equivalent...Hey, in Japan, guests usually bring the equivalent of $300 in cash for the couple. $200 is considered bad luck, and $100 kind of rude but maybe acceptable if you're super broke. This is to help the couple in their new lives together but also a thank-you-for-putting-on-this-party-that-cost-tons-of-money gift. I'm just throwing that out there because Japan definitely has us beat as far as a culture of etiquette. Yes, there are different cultural norms. <br /><br />I see registries as a way to ease along the entire process. Couples register for what they want. People can buy them a toaster, rest assured they don't get 5 other toasters. No registry? 5 toasters? Whose do you keep? Aunt May comes over to your house. You returned HER toaster. That's fun to explain. <br /><br /><br />As a guest I LOVE it when people register. A long time ago I committed to giving consumable gifts only. I hate the idea of contributing to other people's clutter. If it's something on a registry that I KNOW they want, I'm so happy to get it for them. One of my best friends got married last month. I was a bridesmaid and I donated to her honeyfund (they had a charity option as well) and made her a handmade, heartfelt card. She can keep the card in scrapbook or whatever or not. <br /><br />Oh, and guess what? They could totally afford a honeymoon. So? Their house is already full of housewares. If they hadn't registered, I would have been in a slight panic as a guest. ("Do they already have a toaster?!?! What color of dishes would they like?!?!) I think it was polite of them to provide the option. Not tacky or money-grabbing. I don't think it's entitlement either. People like to give at these kind of things and registries are guides. <br /><br /> Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-60467163919414649782012-06-13T10:51:51.876-07:002012-06-13T10:51:51.876-07:00What's next, Middle School Graduation registri...What's next, Middle School Graduation registries? DUI-based Driver Re-education Funding registries? Child Support Custody Battle registries? EVERYONE wants gifts, doesn't mean their "special event" deserves them! If you're old enough/responsible enough to make a big financial decision, try funding most of it too... If someone offers to help, graciously accept it, but don't EXPECT it. Lots of people are cutting down in this economy, not spending more.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-26735766524634042812012-06-13T10:46:24.140-07:002012-06-13T10:46:24.140-07:00I find registries tacky in general. I'm 25, ne...I find registries tacky in general. I'm 25, never married, but most of my friends & family are upper-middle class. Lots of them waited til late 20s/early 30s to marry. They don't need my help buying a mixer, but you bet your butt they don't need my help buying a honeymoon, either. I agree with that woman's mom's friend - go with what you can afford. Let people give whatever they like. I prefer giving money at weddings. If I don't care who the bride & groom are or don't think they're marrying for the right reasons, I decline to attend and just send a "sorry I couldn't make it" card. This isn't the 70s, it's not all 18-year-olds getting married anymore. If your honeymoon registry includes airfare, the hotel, meals etc., you'd probably be better off going somewhere closer to home. If you live 2hrs from a beach, drive there & get a hotel on the water. Still pretty, but family & friends don't feel the same financial obligation. A few of my recently-married cousins are incredibly aloof, and I haven't ONCE seen a honeymoon registry. If I see one, I'll punch whoever made it. Seriously. It's my hard-earned money, NOT yours.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-72371896506813931192011-06-06T20:56:05.815-07:002011-06-06T20:56:05.815-07:00"Do you know what's TACKY? Pretending to ..."Do you know what's TACKY? Pretending to be all alternative and accepting of others' choices and then going all nutjob judgey. THAT's tacky."<br /><br />Completely agree! Jeesh people, why is it that we can be so chill about all kinds of different choices but when it comes to registries we're lining up the firing squad? WHO CARES!?!? Meg, I love you and APW, but I agree with the commenters calling you out for the butter dish comment. What's important to you is not what's important to everyone else, and that doesn't make anyone else tacky or obnoxious or selfish. That's the whole point of a registry - because different people have different wants and needs and values, and gifts are supposed to be about the receiver, not the giver. Personally, I could give two shits about what someone "wants" to give me... If they don't like what I actually want, then don't get anything! That is fine! But what I think is tacky is deciding that someone's carefully chosen wish list is not good enough and buying something else, or getting your undies in a bunch just because someone has different values than you.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-79635851689884627432011-05-30T18:16:25.074-07:002011-05-30T18:16:25.074-07:00My mom hates registries. When I told her we were ...My mom hates registries. When I told her we were going to Target, she shook her head and said, "what do you need? I'll buy it for you." So supposedly mom is going to get us an almond Kitchen Aid mixer. <br /><br />But she's the only one who doesn't like it. If I can't find someone's registry for a wedding, I panic. If you've gotta travel out of state for a wedding, fly up there, drive all around the world for it, figure out what to wear, take days off, etc., then for Pete's sake I pray for registries. <br /><br />I am a terrible gift-giver but a really good helper, so I'd much rather get there early, help someone make an escort card display or finish gluing cardstock & stickers on favors, and give them either a gift card or a honeymoon-type gift. As a wedding guest, it makes my life easier.<br /><br />We were UBER TACKY as we've already booked our honeymoon and are registering for it to replenish the bank account. Which is horrible, and surely has some guests talking behind our backs, but we don't give two craps.<br /><br />I've also had Polish-Italian friends inform me that they are writing me a check for a crapton of money, even after flying out from Seattle to attend the wedding (and be in it, and then be in another wedding the next day).<br /><br />The only problem I have with the registry is that I think my fiance should register for video games and he won't. NOW'S YOUR CHANCE - TAKE IT!!Emily Kanehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00202698507695130130noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-53303199070055005972011-01-19T13:21:24.570-08:002011-01-19T13:21:24.570-08:00Register for your honeymoon! We did, and it was am...Register for your honeymoon! We did, and it was amazing. We too lived together for two years before we got married so there was nothing we "needed". And in fact, many of our guests LOVED that they could do it online, and feel a part of bringing us joy to our celebration which included the honeymoon. <br />And to anyone who says it's tacky, are probably already saying other things are tacky too. You can't win with them either way.Puccihttp://www.theeinspired.wordpress.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-81077952421299082002011-01-01T11:59:05.166-08:002011-01-01T11:59:05.166-08:00I agree with the comment that "normal" r...I agree with the comment that "normal" registries were once tacky (as was the necessity to say "will/will not attend" on a reply card) and are now de rigueur; honeymoon registries will follow. My BFF is Parisian and she and her Italian hubby registered for a safari plus assorted housewares. The guests LOVED the safari bit. So, it's in in Europe and the kind of minds that want to judge your registry and don't love your wish to snorkel usually ADORE whatever is happening on the Continent.<br /><br />Use one of the fancy setups that helps people not feel that they are just writing a check (like you're not just writing a check to Create & Barrel?) and it will all be fine.Elinoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-85582149315736891022010-12-30T10:14:23.518-08:002010-12-30T10:14:23.518-08:00Checking in on this post after a while. Meg, I lo...Checking in on this post after a while. Meg, I love you, and part of what I love about you and your blog is your strong opinions, but I gotta agree with the commenters who called you out on being "nutjob judgey" on this one. <br /><br />It goes back to my original point - the gift is not about you. YOU might value a china butter dish that your grandkids will use, but I don't plan to have kids at all, so obviously my grandkids will never use that butter dish.<br /><br />I realize this is a very specific example, but my point is that what you value is not the same as what others value, and some people see more stuff as clutter (like the OP). Case in point: My uncle had a temper tantrum whine-fit to my mother because my husband and I didn't register for china. My mother pointed out that we had regular dishes, as well as sheets, blankets, and a fancy schmancy Rowenta iron still left on the registry (for example). <br /><br />"But I want to buy them something SPESHUL!"<br /><br />Dude, we really needed new sheets. That was special to us. We had old sheets with holes in them, and we like nice linens. China we'll never use and don't have room for? No.<br /><br />And that's not to say we didn't receive some really lovely gifts that weren't on our registry, because we absolutely did. My husband talked me out of registering for a Magic Bullet ("We're already registering for a new food processor!"), and a friend got me one anyway. I insisted on keeping it, and husband likes it as much as I do, as it is handy for chopping up smaller portions and not dragging out the 12-cup food processor.<br /><br />I actually, too, did appreciate the items that I had no use for and ended up returning for store credit. I was being a little obnoxious with that comment, but I wasn't lying when I said I loved those gloves I bought instead. They're fleece lined and have the open-fingers with the mitten covering. Great for picking up dog poop. (Seriously, taking off your mittens to open those little bags for even 30 seconds in the Northeast cold is unpleasant at best and downright painful on the worst days.)<br /><br />I never meant to imply that one shouldn't be gracious and thankful for anything a guest gives them. But if what you really need is, as one commenter put it, "to get the hell away from the kids for 2 weeks," I see nothing wrong with it. The only reason we didn't do a honeymoon registry was because we couldn't afford a big honeymoon, and I didn't want to be stuck with the bill in case it wasn't covered. Book a honeymoon you're prepared to pay for yourselves and work your way up from there - anything additional will be gravy.<br /><br />Also, if you're worried about sniping aunts, make a small registry with white goods that you may need upgrades or replacements for. New sheets, towels, and pillows are ALWAYS handy and easy to store. This is what we ended up doing, and we found we could "use" more than we initially thought. No china, no pots and pans, but some new everyday dishes (that match), a new shower curtain (the old one was ratty), and some metal shelving to store it all on, for example, turned out to be quite useful after all.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-6031738700716242712010-12-23T21:56:48.597-08:002010-12-23T21:56:48.597-08:00"Do you know what's TACKY? Pretending to ..."Do you know what's TACKY? Pretending to be all alternative and accepting of others' choices and then going all nutjob judgey. THAT's tacky."<br />+1<br />Also wanted to throw in full support of the comments making fun of the butter dish. We lost our home and everything in it in a fire and a close friend took us on a trip to South America. It was a wonderful gift. Overvaluing possessions and undervaluing experiences in order to pass judgment on those you deem tackier and less respectful of their friends and family than you is a worthless and mean spirited exercise.Jnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-3214039066012448182010-12-13T12:28:40.621-08:002010-12-13T12:28:40.621-08:00People that ask for gifts on their invitations GRO...People that ask for gifts on their invitations GROSS ME OUT. Register if you want to, but let your parents spread the word to those who inquire. And trust me, those aunts and everyone will ask your mom. And the younger generation will ask you if they care to. Or they will google it and see it on your wedding wedsite. Inviting someone to your wedding is not an invitation for them to give you a GIFT. -eAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-48270209925234481002010-12-13T11:37:04.977-08:002010-12-13T11:37:04.977-08:00I don't see how in this day and age it's t...I don't see how in this day and age it's tacky at all. It made sense to register for housewares, etc. back in the day when you lived with your parents until you were married but nowadays most of us have lived on our own for years thus acquiring all the things we need for our home. <br /><br />Of all the weddings I've been to over the years the majority have asked in a polite way for cash, be it for a honeymoon or a down payment on a home. It didn't get my panties in a bunch and it didn't seem to offend anyone else. <br /><br />I got married this past summer and I momentarily pondered the same question. But then I got to thinking... how many times have you looked at someone's gift registry and scoffed at all the expensive items on the list? I really don't see the difference in asking for a contribution to make your honeymoon absolutely fabulous or a $300 mixer. Am I right or am I right?<br /><br />To be honest, most people I know, myself included like being able to throw some cash in a card and be done with it. <br /><br />At my wedding, once we decided to go the honeymoon fund route, we made it known that only our friends and families presence was needed and above and beyond that if anyone was feeling so kind we were going to New York City for our honeymoon and anything towards that would be awesome and appreciated. (our wedding was very low key, casual, bbq, camping style)<br /><br />I should note that I declined to have a shower, in fact I even declined a bachelorette party. <br /><br />And in the end everyone, even our old grannies seemed more than happy to contribute to our honeymoon and everyone was very excited for us to go on the trip and to hear all about it when we got back. They seemed really happy to have been able to help.Margo Lanehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00000264192762879918noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-22175183279119947912010-12-13T06:25:01.716-08:002010-12-13T06:25:01.716-08:00I don't get why it is okay to register for stu...I don't get why it is okay to register for stupid plates but not for a honeymoon. I could afford the plates, I could afford the honeymoon, but I don't need or want more plates. I much rather go on a great trip and keep that memory forever.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-67311337787964369892010-12-12T18:36:45.799-08:002010-12-12T18:36:45.799-08:00I just went and added a honeymoon option on my reg...I just went and added a honeymoon option on my registry after reading some of the comments about stuff vs experiences. Thanks guys!Rachel and Kurtishttps://www.blogger.com/profile/02706065997417772151noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-29095682456586598812010-12-12T14:30:10.113-08:002010-12-12T14:30:10.113-08:00Yeah.... I would just tell family about the whole ...Yeah.... I would just tell family about the whole honeymoon thing and then have a normal registry. Family will understand and totally help out; random friends-of-parents might not. Plus, some people feel that a good, solid, useful gift item will "last longer" than the trip (not how I feel, but I've heard that before...). <br /><br />All else fails, sell the crap you got that you don't want and use THAT money toward your honeymoon. We definitely sold a few gift cards to my parents for cash (esp. for the stores that we don't have where we live and could totally do without).kathleen // scout + lillyhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/08031785844078458559noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-1328124163300480252010-12-11T16:15:40.683-08:002010-12-11T16:15:40.683-08:00While traveling is not Green..... traveling in pla...While traveling is not Green..... traveling in place of gathering 'stuff' is! It would be MUCH better to register for a honeymoon - especially since it is what you REALLY want rather than getting more junk to rot itself into a landfill.... take up space... consumerism consumerism - must have more stuff!<br /><br />GOOD FOR YOU!!! for looking to go on a journey and collect wonderful memories and experiences that you can't replace with 'things' - Love needs to live - not to collect dust on a shelf honey. Get yourself a cash registry for what you want... and try DAG!! DepositAGift - Dana will take incredible care of you - she has done so much for us already. The customer service on her website is phenomenal.<br /><br />Check her out -<br />http://www.depositagift.com/Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/03624589477505185689noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-15510655625770736082010-12-11T15:46:42.033-08:002010-12-11T15:46:42.033-08:00At the end of our lives, what do we have? Do we h...At the end of our lives, what do we have? Do we have stuff like a stand mixer or a coffee machine? Hell no, even the nice ones will have broken by then. <br /><br />Great memories are all that's really worth a d*mn in this life. I say, make them. Have a honeymoon registry.Abby Cooknoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-66637198709761584652010-12-11T14:29:59.254-08:002010-12-11T14:29:59.254-08:00We live in LA and hang with the more liberal of tr...We live in LA and hang with the more liberal of traditions crowd. We love traveling and I don't mind throwing a couple dollars towards a special trip. <br /><br />I think it comes down to your income level. I find it really non-offensive when friends who are struggling ask for cash or a honeymoon. <br /><br />However, we recently went to a wedding where they registered for their honeymoon. They are our richest friends and something about writing a check to my friends who don't need money at all didn't seem right and tacky.<br /><br />I think with all things it's the couple and the situation. It's impossible to have a blanket rule for everyone.Em Levy {orange + barrel}https://www.blogger.com/profile/06204289191168242176noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-16802549461628201852010-12-11T06:19:38.391-08:002010-12-11T06:19:38.391-08:00hahah I couldn't help but burst out laughing w...hahah I couldn't help but burst out laughing when I read the response about the snorkling excursion. I like the idea of having your honeymoon paid for (I'm getting married in July) but as my fiance's aunt put it, the idea of a gift registry is for new couples just starting out and everyone wants to give to make their live together easier. She also mentioned most of the older folks in their family would be extremely put off by the idea. But if your real aim is to have some cash, you can register for fewer items and once those items are bought people will most likely give you cash and you can use that however you like. Just a thought. :-)Kairahttp://kairiedaway.blogspot.com/noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-16092458506610266362010-12-10T21:34:03.892-08:002010-12-10T21:34:03.892-08:00We registered for the regular items at two stores ...We registered for the regular items at two stores and had a paypal account for honeymoon donations and tried to make it all very casual. Beforehand I talked to my mom about it. At first she didn't like the idea of the honeymoon fund, but then she talked to her fav cousin who was delighted to give money towards it, and Mom changed her mind. We had a mix of gifts, and some of our guests didn't give gifts, which was totally fine. I, personally, find the registering for specific activities a little weird for some reason, and preferred just saying donations towards the honeymoon and leaving it at that. Also, I didn't do a shower. I think as long as you have options it's fine. Alternatively you could leave it out, and I'm sure a lot of people will still just give you money, and you can use it towards the honeymoon. I know some people think it's weird to put money towards a vacation, but if you're poor like we are, a lot of people are happy to chip in for a post-wedding trip. It's a special experience. Also, for the record, my great-aunt, who is in her 90's, chose to give us money for the honeymoon over the other options. She had an amazing marriage, and I know she wanted to send us on our way as well.FKnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-49934679426085842952010-12-10T16:34:04.927-08:002010-12-10T16:34:04.927-08:00This comment has been removed by the author.H.H.https://www.blogger.com/profile/16448982070532862844noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-39015908319401063052010-12-10T14:17:46.161-08:002010-12-10T14:17:46.161-08:00Do whatever the fuck you want. We had registry anx...Do whatever the fuck you want. We had registry anxieties, namely I didn't want one, husband didn't care either way. Websites, magazines, people who didn't really know us told us that we should have one, people want to give you gifts build your life, it's expected etc... After many wasted weeks worry about said registry we just went with our original plan and had no registry. What's more we told folks don't bother getting us anything, all we want is for you to be there and party with us. No one cared/was offended/felt left out of life building. People still gave us gifts because they wanted to so everyone was happy. Long story short, you know your friends and family, you know yourselves, you know whats right for you.Knoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-37495020226977406432010-12-10T13:35:52.713-08:002010-12-10T13:35:52.713-08:00Dear folks, gift giving is VERY cultural.
In som...Dear folks, gift giving is VERY cultural. <br /><br />In some cultures, asking for money is totally tacky. In some cultures, cash is the normal gift. And in some cultures people don't see the difference. <br /><br />BUT gift givers usually like to feel in control of whatever they are giving. So to some people, registering only for a honeymoon feels like a demand for cash, and for folks who feel uncomfortable about giving cash or have a small budget and feel like a $20 check feels more paltry and insubstantial than a similarly priced bud vase, then it can feel unpleasant to be faced with giving cash or giving something random. Personally, I don't like to give cash and wouldn't be very enthusiastic about a honeymoon registry. I wouldn't complain to the couple, but I'd be a little annoyed.<br /><br />That said, if people ask you about where you are registered, you can say "what we really want is cash for our honeymoon" but it might be nice to have a small registry or even a list of general ideas outside of the standard registry lineup (books, camping equipment, wine, whatever does it for you). <br /><br />And having everything you need and getting married and being surrounded by people wanting to celebrate you and give you more stuff? That's a great problem to have...Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-57389898484850071572010-12-10T13:13:24.931-08:002010-12-10T13:13:24.931-08:00hi!hi!wool and mischttps://www.blogger.com/profile/14236788626234431666noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-1586872267985869482010-12-10T13:01:08.590-08:002010-12-10T13:01:08.590-08:00Oh, and PS - some people are always going to be of...Oh, and PS - some people are always going to be offended, no matter what you do. Some people enjoy getting righteously worked up (I do myself, sometimes) so just think of it as a gift to them. They won't see it that way, but whatevs.Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10211797571405802312noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-39421284274559196592010-12-10T12:59:09.672-08:002010-12-10T12:59:09.672-08:00What sort of shallow people get alienated by an in...What sort of shallow people get alienated by an in-satisfactory registry type selection? And the idea that we can't evolve wedding customs because god forbid we might offend the older generations is ridiculous. I honestly find it phenomenally tacky for guests to criticize what the bride and groom have thoughtfully decided what they need and thus have registered for... whether it be pancake molds or a down payment or a honeymoon. A lot of high and mightiness of this thread from normally thoughtful commentators.Alicenoreply@blogger.com