tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post3400268656062742137..comments2024-03-24T23:51:25.945-07:00Comments on east side bride: my fmil wants to wear a miss america dressesbhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.comBlogger36125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-68592793259947875652013-08-08T09:02:58.282-07:002013-08-08T09:02:58.282-07:00I’m the original poster! I’m sorry it took me a f...I’m the original poster! I’m sorry it took me a few days to check in. <br />Thanks to everyone for their advice. <br /><br />I was leaning towards “let her do what she wants” with a dash of “I’m concerned she’ll feel uncomfortable/make my mom look under-dressed.” The thing I should have mentioned in my email to ESB is that she hasn’t really “had a lifetime of going to events and making these kinds of judgments” as Anon 4:08 said. It was a fair assumption, but my partner is an only child, and his parents lead a pretty quiet life, so a dress-up opportunity is rare (she mentioned my partner’s bar mitzvah as the last time she had to pick a fancy dress). So I think her decision is based on 1) being over-the-moon excited and 2) not having a whole lot of context about different types of wedding/event attire.<br /><br />But I think you guys are right – I need to just be grateful for such a sweet FMIL and let her rock out in her real-housewives-of-NJ dress. For Kelsi, who asked to see it, here she is: http://www.lightinthebox.com/Sheath-Column-Straps-Floor-length-Chiffon-Mother-of-the-Bride-Dress-With-A-Wrap_p263960.html. <br />Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-88778899630303337702013-08-06T16:46:41.758-07:002013-08-06T16:46:41.758-07:00Yep.
I heard rumors of catty aunts bitching about...Yep.<br /><br />I heard rumors of catty aunts bitching about how our caterer ran out of these awesome scratch-made biscuits at our wedding...and were loud-mouthed enough to complain to seemingly multiple people. Since you can't please everyone, let Mrs. Tacky be your built-in distraction. Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06241445431705366119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-83197649438915304132013-08-06T14:10:01.220-07:002013-08-06T14:10:01.220-07:00@esb sorry I just meant that my giving the brick a...@esb sorry I just meant that my giving the brick as a *wedding* gift justified my random comment to Allegra. or something.<br /><br />but yes! the brick is this magical piece of amazing! the recipient already has a gold-plated bobcat skull so <a href="http://spectacularsociety.tumblr.com/image/50452650755" rel="nofollow">this</a> was the only logical move.<br />Rachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10595494907833218390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-27551166866847473502013-08-06T14:07:33.704-07:002013-08-06T14:07:33.704-07:00omg epicomg epicRachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10595494907833218390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-45976258754579399862013-08-06T12:09:50.415-07:002013-08-06T12:09:50.415-07:00I think you're looking at this totally wrong! ...I think you're looking at this totally wrong! Your FMIL is giving you a gift! With all the possible things that guests could gossip about under their breathes, trust me when I say that you would rather it be your FMIL's gaudy dress than something else, like say, bad food or not enough booze or how drunk the groom got. Toniahttp://www.ittybittyimpact.comnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-29764018281668589282013-08-06T11:29:52.748-07:002013-08-06T11:29:52.748-07:00I got a million updates from my MIL about her outf...I got a million updates from my MIL about her outfit for our wedding beforehand. When she told me she found a white dress, I immediately thought "WTF is this woman on?". I was no Bridezilla but I kind of thought there were rules for weddings... turns out it was fine, I did not care, and it wasn't the kind of dress that was designed to compete anyway. <br /><br />I have to say, though, I am really curious about the OP's FMIL's dress. Is it strapless, long, and sparkly, pageant-style? Or like Golden Girls dress-up mother of the bride sparkly? Let's hope the latter.Anonymoushttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06241445431705366119noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-65170503678129501622013-08-06T10:06:26.670-07:002013-08-06T10:06:26.670-07:00Now that I'm a married lady, I'm here to r...Now that I'm a married lady, I'm here to report that you will not give a shit what your mil is wearing at your wedding. You'll need too busy getting married, smiling so much your face hurts, getting a teenty bit drunk, and dancing your ass off.Ms Khttps://www.blogger.com/profile/06990466546123333194noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-56852907592785594892013-08-06T07:25:27.827-07:002013-08-06T07:25:27.827-07:00Couldn't agree more. She's a grown up. You...Couldn't agree more. She's a grown up. You treated her like one when you showed her what your mom was wearing and told her her dress was fine. She behaved like one when she listened to you and decided to go with her choice (which by the way, you said was fine). This is so not an issue, time to pick something else to worry about.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-7680430913339366552013-08-05T20:40:10.397-07:002013-08-05T20:40:10.397-07:00@ESB Hahahahaha. Well, apparently so.
Is this the...@ESB Hahahahaha. Well, apparently so.<br /><br />Is this the part where I do something like post my name and blog URL in the comment even though it's linked in my username?Alexis C.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-859710897634406502013-08-05T20:33:14.006-07:002013-08-05T20:33:14.006-07:00@Alexis C ARE YOU A BOT??@Alexis C ARE YOU A BOT??esbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-836778493613908352013-08-05T20:27:24.421-07:002013-08-05T20:27:24.421-07:00@Jen I agree with everything you said, actually!
...@Jen I agree with everything you said, actually!<br /><br />That last bit of my original comment was definitely was condescending. I don't think condescension and kindness are necessarily mutually exclusive. Maybe I'm dumb. Of course, I should not have presumed I'm gifted enough to carry off something that nuanced, so, perhaps I should have nixed the kindness and expressed how I am baffled that the writer can acknowledge that she and her FMIL have very different personalities, then passive-aggressively share outfit choices hoping her FMIL would just "get it," like the writer might. If she's really concerned her FMIL is clueless to the point she'll embarrass herself, rather than just being annoyed that somebody's dress isn't going to contribute to the feel of the wedding, then being passive about it at all wasn't the way to go.<br /><br />And as for my scripting/coaching to the writer if she was actually going to say something again... there's no totally-kind way to ask someone about their clothing choice with concern, because it's simply rude. The bride has to accept that she'd be a jerk to say something. It seems to me she wrote in because she's asking herself if it's okay to be a jerk about it, if she even cares enough about it to be a jerk about it, etc, etc. So I was offering advice for if she decided to go for it.<br /><br />I relate to the writer because in this situation I might fixate (ESB nailed that) on such a thing. It's not flattering, but true. But I wouldn't risk bringing tension into a relationship because someone may be overdressed. Not worth it. I'd be asking myself what I was really worried about, since it's really not that fancy dress.Alexis C.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-34802165798675679232013-08-05T18:15:51.682-07:002013-08-05T18:15:51.682-07:00hear, hear. ESB had it.hear, hear. ESB had it.Jennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-6455695576762350832013-08-05T18:13:17.993-07:002013-08-05T18:13:17.993-07:00The way you phrased how you would approach FMIL in...The way you phrased how you would approach FMIL in the original comment ("I just wanted to make sure...") is... not really nice? And how can you know *everyone* will be more casually dressed? If I heard that comment from someone, I'd feel sort of hurt, as if i were being judged about my style in a passive-aggressive way, and become pretty defensive and/or self-conscious. bleh.<br /><br />And the advice that learning how to diplomatically relay whatever to many other people on Earth is definitely condescending. <br /><br />But I'm so happy you are able to share your thoughts and I hope you feel as considerate as the OP does in asking ESB about this!Jennoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-39471296972344303802013-08-05T17:40:00.279-07:002013-08-05T17:40:00.279-07:00@Rachel wow! That IS a small word! So glad you l...@Rachel wow! That IS a small word! So glad you like the brick! I gave 2 as a wedding gift last year.<br /><br />@esb you can see the gold brick (a version of it) <br /><br /><a href="http://www.allegralaviola.com/Exhibit_Detail.cfm?ShowsID=57" rel="nofollow">here</a><br /><br />Allegra LaViolahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/13275269680080948574noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-84041828505313746312013-08-05T16:08:14.662-07:002013-08-05T16:08:14.662-07:00I really disagree with everyone saying that OP cou...I really disagree with everyone saying that OP could talk to the FMIL saying "I'm worried you're going to feel uncomfortable and overdressed, oh but if you like it then wear it!"<br /><br />That is incredibly rude. Who cares if she's overdressed! The woman has had a lifetime of going to events and making these kinds of judgements, I'm sure she knows what she wants. She's an adult. <br /><br />Don't pretend you're solely concerned on her behalf - be honest - you don't like the dress choice and you want her to fit in. <br /><br />Clearly she has enough information to know that she's going big compared to everyone else. She's doing it because she wants to.<br /><br />The reason it's rude - if you tell her how you feel and she decides to wear it anyway because she loves it, then she will always know that you dislike her dress choice. <br /><br />Let it be.Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-50293153213476176292013-08-05T15:11:57.611-07:002013-08-05T15:11:57.611-07:00Wait. Sorry. I'm a long-time reader bit first-...Wait. Sorry. I'm a long-time reader bit first-time commenter. I seriously don't mean to condescend but now I'm wondering if you were wondering about my "nthing" - "n" like a mathematical variable, "to the nth degree" meaning something like, "fully; as far as it will go." I swear I know you are smart. Of course.<br /><br />Or else you hate my (wordy) comment and its tone. I know brevity is queen 'round these parts; but, anyway, I still stand by my comment and agree with what you said.Alexis C.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-88984557511443602592013-08-05T15:01:28.716-07:002013-08-05T15:01:28.716-07:00I'd say just let her wear it...as long as it d...I'd say just let her wear it...as long as it doesn't have puffy '80s shoulder pads. Those things are a crime to humanity...Melissa Blakehttps://www.blogger.com/profile/09975477573895818097noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-70148756843392559602013-08-05T15:00:24.752-07:002013-08-05T15:00:24.752-07:00Oh, I see. I was speaking to the letter-writer for...Oh, I see. I was speaking to the letter-writer for the "you" - not you, ESB.Alexis C.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-72048112545099892282013-08-05T14:16:18.151-07:002013-08-05T14:16:18.151-07:00um What?um What?esbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-54053383899637571322013-08-05T14:05:39.070-07:002013-08-05T14:05:39.070-07:00nth-ing many of the above.
If your FMIL wants to ...nth-ing many of the above.<br /><br />If your FMIL wants to play Mother-of-the-Groom Barbie at your wedding, so long as she isn't wearing a dress that is the same color of yours, then I say, "learn to love it." Personally, I love a chance to get dressed up. Granted, my tastes are more like what you were hoping her's would be - that she would find the perfect, awesome dress to *suit the occasion* instead of her pageant wear - but to each their own. "You do you" to the FMIL.<br /><br />I worried about the pictures AND her feeling overdressed when actually at the wedding, instantly. I say use both of these things together for more effect *IF* you approach her again. You must *directly* address it in that case. "I just want to make sure you know everyone will be more casually dressed than the dress you showed me, so you don't feel you look overdressed in all the pictures you'll see for years to come." And then if you wanted to be extra kind and gracious to her, you could add, "Otherwise, I am so happy you found a dress you love and I hope you feel as happy and beautiful as I will on our wedding day."<br /><br />With sincere kindness to you, I must say I think that learning how to diplomatically relay something as inoffensive as your concern about this matter will be extremely important for your relationship with all of your new family... and many other people on this Earth.<br /><br />Alexis C.noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-54136085621506921732013-08-05T13:40:18.761-07:002013-08-05T13:40:18.761-07:00Agreed.Agreed.Shanahttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10453255403746451173noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-19014927716094790142013-08-05T11:56:42.954-07:002013-08-05T11:56:42.954-07:00@Rachel WE WANNA SEE THE POST. also the brick.@Rachel WE WANNA SEE THE POST. also the brick.esbhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/00215882729011442570noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-64884606222837342712013-08-05T11:19:07.336-07:002013-08-05T11:19:07.336-07:00Allegra! small world! grabbing this chance to than...Allegra! small world! grabbing this chance to thank you again for helping me secure the Korshak gold brick. there couldn't have been a better wedding gift for my friends & it was all thanks to you and your sweet gallery crew. <--(see? relevant post!) <br />--RachelRachelhttps://www.blogger.com/profile/10595494907833218390noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-19411614916294682722013-08-05T09:59:46.618-07:002013-08-05T09:59:46.618-07:00my MIL wore a BRIGHT teal First-Lady-esque skirt s...my MIL wore a BRIGHT teal First-Lady-esque skirt suit. To an all neutral (my "pop of color" was a maple brown against ivory and golds) wedding on the beach. In Oregon. It was fine. Didn't bother me at all until we got pics back. Just turned the ones that we ordered prints of to b/w. I second Anon 7:23. But really, if this is the worst thing that goes down with your wedding, you've got it good :) Have fun!Anonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-6468279200135971946.post-31185436642521112192013-08-05T09:54:38.542-07:002013-08-05T09:54:38.542-07:00Here to say the same thing. Here to say the same thing. Anonymousnoreply@blogger.com