I thought maybe you and your readers could offer some kind words, or some advice. I can't tell if my husband is making me depressed, or if my depression is making me unhappy with my husband.
I got married about a year ago, after dating for 5 (I'm 26, he's 30). We moved to a new city recently and life is "perfect" (nice home, great social life, good jobs). Except that I'm depressed as shit and doubting everything in my marriage. I'm really hoping it's just a phase and that once I work through this bout of depression everything will go back to normal. I'm currently seeing a therapist and getting on meds. After a few weeks at the therapist by myself, we will move into couples therapy. But the light at the end of the tunnel seems SO far away. I'm hurting so bad.
When I'm hanging out with friends I feel happy and have a great time. It's only when I'm around my husband, or home alone thinking about him, that I feel hopeless. Now that we're married the word "forever" makes sense, and terrifies me.
Before being married, our differences made me feel like we were yin and yang. Now, I'm starting to get worried we have nothing in common. I'm seeing things I didn't notice (or strongly care about) before; like how he doesn't offer his own opinion on anything and only agrees with everything I say. How he isn't proactive about anything and only does things when he's asked. How he has no long-term goals/aspirations/dreams other than "being happy." How he lets people walk over him and doesn't know how to be assertive. How we don't have anything to talk about (his interests are video games/tv/internet). Instead of pursuing a career for what he went to school for and loves doing, he's working an easy job that he doesn't like.
I find myself growing/changing (in ways I like), but he's not. I find myself noticing other guys now and I HATE it. Please tell me this is a phase. Aside from the negatives I'm focusing on, he really is a great guy. He's the kindest/most considerate/giving/loving man I know, which makes me feel like a horrible, shitty person for feeling these things. We've had plenty of talks about trying to get him to be more proactive, get hobbies, etc. but no luck.
Again, I'm hoping this is all the depression talking and that my unhappiness with myself is being projected on to him. Am I being an asshole for not accepting him for who he is, or are my concerns legit?
Ladyfriend, you don't need MEDS
You need to leave your husband.
Lover's Eyes (circa 1840) via Art Resource via Amanda Jane Jones + Mary Pulliam